10:21 p.m. - 2011-12-14
2011
I have many people that around me that blog, think out loud, or are naturally expressive with their emotions. I, on the other hand, struggle to find the exact words for what I'm feeling, and feel silly when asked to show any emotion. I've been called soulless and heartless and robotic, and it's become a part of my personality. Usually, I really enjoy it and play along with the jabs because I quite enjoy having a tough exterior. It makes getting to know me more rewarding.
But then I stumbled upon my old digital diary, one that has been in use for years and goes for long spans of time without being updated. It made me feel nostalgic to read through old entries filled with high school woes and realize how far I have come. I feel entirely changed as a person and am more sure of myself than I have ever been.
This semester, I took on an internship with the Virginia Ball Center, and it has turned out to be the greatest experience of my college career. I worked to publish a book and the feelings of satisfaction I have are indescribable. I feel so proud and accomplished that I did this. I feel so much better off in my professional world than many others, and I know there are great things in store for me.
I am in the process of applying for internships, and the thought of rejection scares me deeply. Part of the reason why I am so guarded is to ward off rejection, but I have been more open and motivated this year to branch out and apply for ambitious internship programs.
While I am self-reliant and know that I am well on my way, none of this could have been possible without the love and support I have from my boyfriend of almost eight years. He has been with me every step of the way to encourage me and give me hard truths when needed. I feel so lucky to have him and my close friends in my life.
2011 has been a year filled with self-discovery, and I eagerly await what the next year has in store for me.
-N-
