1:31 a.m. - 2008-08-05
Importance
Tonight topped all strange nights.
Two of my best friends recently told me that they were lesbians. My boyfriend and I were the first people they told, and since then, we've been the people they hang out with when they want to be a "couple". Most of their other friends don't really understand it, and it's unfortunate that the two of them can't really do things that others can do openly.
Tonight, I went into a sex shop to buy them a little toy. It was strange, but I am eighteen, so I had to do it for them. It was certainly a fun experience, and new to me, and I joked with Matt that it could be fun to do that together sometime.
Matt is leaving for college very soon now. I am scared, and I am trying to push it out of my mind. But in a way, I am excited to go back to school now. I love learning and I don't think school is as bad as people say it is. It's whatever you want it to be, and it's important to block out those who don't want to be there.
Being that I'll be a senior, it's time to think about my future. I am set on studying history, that I know for sure. But I'm not too sure what to do with it. I want to teach, but I'm not sure if I want to teach at a high school or college level. If I taught at college, it would mean staying in college for six to eight years.
My goal in life, no matter what path I choose, is to be important. I want to be somebody. I feel as if I was made for something great. And I want to feel as if I am putting myself to use in this world. More and more I'm realizing that with teaching, I can do that. But I'm not sure if I can devote another six to eight years of my life to college. I am in love with Matt, and I want to marry him. But we can't get married if I am still stuck in school. There are so many things I want to do with him- marry him, travel with him, live with him, and I don't know if being a college teacher would allow for that. He means everything to me, and I am excited for my life with him.
I think that with Matt, I can be important.
-N-
